The Adventure REALLY begins.

   

   
We went in for our weekly exam today on May 13th. At this point Jen had actually been on bed rest for 1 week due to some pre-eclampsia symptoms. And we were scheduled for induction on Friday the 16th. Well, at the appointment our doctor decided that today was the day to get the adventure started. So 2 hours later, after running home and getting some snacks and a few other things, we were in the hospital. It happened that fast. Now it is over three years later. Things still happen fast.

Of course, but maybe

Of course it is statue, but maybe it is the start of an adventure!

     It has been WAY to long since I posted here. Actually having a kid and then life as a camp director took over again. But I am back. So here we go again.
     I love stand-up comedy. So of course we are having a child. Not that the two are connected, but maybe they are in some way. Working with children for so many years I have seen some really funny things, and I have seen or read about some pretty horrific things including having to call child services. There are two sides of the life of a camp professional. Probably more, but at least two. The serious, HR following, parent pleasing, safety minded person. And the other side that would love to see camp run as a Monty Python movie with a side of Mythbusters. There are times when it is a challenge for me to keep one from smothering the other. The internal battles can be fairly hilarious.

     Over the years I have had this dual midset on many occasions. Sometimes they ended up being expressed in the real world. Sometimes they quietly stayed in my head. They sometimes have shown themselves in conversations with other camp or outdoor education professionals. Or off handed comments made in meetings. Some of these ideas are brilliant! Some are not. Here are some examples.

     Of course we should teach ropes course safety and a respect for the equipment. And maybe a two person zip line could hold 4 people going down superman style. Of course small fires are better. And maybe a HUGE fire can have a place from time to time. Of course 1 arrow is great in a bow. But maybe 2 or 3 is possible. Of course you should always be safe on the archery range. And maybe if you are wearing SCA armor and the arrows have Nerf balls on the ends it is ok to stand down range and have someone shoot at you. Of course it is safer to rappel down a 63 story building with a back-up belay. By maybe it is really fun and much faster to go down on 1 rope. Of course getting into a fight is a way to prove your manhood. Or maybe preventing a physical altercation by actually using the "big nose" bar scene in Roxanne is more manly. There are others. Some of you know them, some of you will never know.
     There are consequences to actions. And that is a lesson worth learning, And of course I expect my son to explore the edges of this. I have seen campers and staff do it for years. And I hope I can provide a framework for him to do that in a safe way as he grows up. Life has a balance. Head and Heart. Good and Bad. Laughter and Sadness. Striking that balance is part of the adventure. I hope he has that experience and adventure. And I hope I can guide him at least a little bit. 

     I guess my point of this whole post is to look at both sides of the coin. Of course you should keep in mind safety, the law, good taste, the feelings of others, etc. And maybe saying "I wonder what happens when..." is appropriate.  

     Here is the link of the stand up bit by Louis CK that inspired this post. I find it funny.

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFwBH2fb2E0

Faith...

     Proper etiquette often states that you should not talk in polite company about sex, politics, and religion. Some events in this past week have gotten me thinking more about our child and faith. I am writing this post knowing that I might offend some folks, make some folks laugh, and connect with others. I had some interactions with some very religious people in the last week, and it did not go swimmingly. Nothing biblical in nature-yes pun intended, and it was an example,to me, of people making their faith and beliefs more important than common sense, respect for other people's things, and making assumptions. I am not going to go into details since they are not important. And it got me thinking. Interacting with people of various faiths will most likely be a part of our son's life.
     I am not what most people would called religious. I have had an adventurous experience with religious, spiritual, and humanistic traditions. Since I was young I have had numerous interactions with people who profess to be extremely religious in nature, and many of those interactions left a sour taste in my mouth. Many of these interactions seemed to me that these people were not acting like their belief system said they should be acting. It got me wondering at an early age. I will not be pointing a finger at any one religion. I don't see the point. We have enough of that in daily media already.
     Anyway, I have been thinking about my spiritual journey that I have taken over the last 46 years. I did not attend Church as a child. But I did spend many hours outdoors. My mom and I did go to midnight services at the Storrs Congregational Church on Christmas Eve many times to hear Handel's Messiah. I still love that whole piece. I was part of the teen youth group there in high school because my girlfriend at the time was a member. When I was about 9 years old or so, one of my neighbors and his mom moved in and they were Buddhist. I had never met a Buddhist before and had only seen them in cheesy kung fu movies. They were Buddhist AND vegetarians. This was in the 70's mind you, far before being a vegetarian was trendy. Anyway, my friends mom was one of the most peaceful people I have ever met. Her Buddhist funeral was the first funeral I ever went to. I was already interested in eastern thought by the time I was 10 or so. Too many kung fu movies I think. I also found great happiness outdoors. I grew up in rural Northeast Connecticut on an old horse farm. Lots of time outdoors.
     When I got into high school I was still fascinated with Asian philosophies. I had started practicing Judo, and was interested in the Samurai, Ninja, Shaolin Monks, Buddhism, and Bushido. Still am. Most of my friends, if they were religious they didn't show it, or I was not aware enough to notice. While there are several religious centers in Storrs because of the University of Connecticut, it was not a hot bed of religiosity. Anyway, as I got into college I had more interactions with folks who were fairly religious. I remember one night at dinner in the dorm I was sitting with one of my roommates and some of his friends. I heard him say, "yeah my roommate doesn't believe in that". I asked what I did not believe in, and he said God. His friend asked if that was true, and I said yes, and that I was more disposed to eastern philosophies. Then he said I was going to hell. I had never been told that before. I replied-"Yeah I can't wait. I will be eternally warm." I was a bit of a smart ass. That ended the conversation. You could hear the silence.  
     I began attending a small meditation group. Didn't last long. I had some attention issues in college. Anyone surprised? Also in college I spent about two years hanging out with many of the Asian students from various countries. Being an Asian studies major, made it easier and I had some really wonderful learning experiences with those folks and in several of my classes. I had the opportunity to delve deeper into eastern philosophy, mostly Buddhism and Taoism. I had also begun training more in martial arts including Tai Chi, Wushu. I still wanted to be a Shaolin Monk. Or a ninja, which was all the rage in the 80's.
     After college I got to travel to Thailand and had some wonderful conversations with a couple of Buddhist monks, including the abbot of one monastery. They seemed to be living what they believed. And I was also beginning to notice that it is easier to live one's beliefs when you are surrounded by a community of like minded people, and more of a challenge in the arena of daily life.
     In the years since I left college I have gotten to explore more aspects of Buddhism, Judaism, Taoism, Humanism, Indigenous spirituality, and deep ecology. People have asked me what I "am" in terms of religious beliefs. I gave up trying to explain my varied wandering along the spiritual paths. So often I say I am a "naturalist"-people often think that means nudist. It doesn't. Or I say that I am a "Shawnist". Which I think is the most accurate. I believe that whatever a person believes in, from extremely religious to Atheist, none of us experience life in the same way, or through the same filters. In fact our beliefs are extremely personal. I hope to encourage my son to explore life with great curiosity, and to first seek to understand others and their beliefs before being too judgmental. There is still a lot to explore in terms of the world of religious and religious experiences. But that is for future posts.

   

"Hmm, let the force flow through you."

Time is fluid

From our shower last weekend.

     No, he is not here yet. However, as a friend of mine said when I first announced that we were having a baby-if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans. I had three other blog posts that I have been working on. Camp stuff churning away. And lawn stuff to do. And then we went to the doctors on Tuesday. All is good with both Jen and the little one. By the way, the name list is down to 14.

     Anyway, we went into our now weekly appointment expecting the usual. BP taken, poke around a little, and a sonogram. Jen had not been feeling the best Tuesday morning, and when we got to the doctor's office Jen's blood pressure was higher than normal. Our doctor was concerned. Jen was showing signs of pre-eclampsia. Nothing too big, but her blood pressure was a concern. Our doctor said that we needed to head over to the hospital for additional tests. Yeah, my heart got going a little faster. I asked her if we were having a baby that night. She said, she was not sure, but she would know more after the tests. WOW can time be fluid. He was due on May 24th. Tuesday was the 5th. The doctor said that unless Jen's blood pressure went down in the next day or so, then we would most likely be having him in our arms by Monday the 12th. Sacred Bovine!!!

     So off to the hospital after splitting up and me going back to work to get my 4 runner and laptop, and Jen going home to get a few things packed. Jen had her hospital bag ready. Me, not so much. Anyway. We met back at home and then headed out. I was more than a little ramped up. We got to the hospital and "checked in" and they hooked Jen up to a monitor. We spent the next 3 hours watching the monitor and the little squiggly lines run down the sheet of paper. After about 2 hours the adrenaline began to fade and we were both feeling a little run down. It was also sinking in that we would have him in our arms fairly soon.

     So, after 3 hours, we went home with Jen sentenced to bed rest until the little one arrives. And as a bonus, I have gotten to practice my sphygmomanometer skills ever couple of hours. Jen has been a trooper the last two days. I am so proud of her. Not being able to do simple things like make your own breakfast can be rough. And we have a follow-up appointment tomorrow and we will have a better time frame to work with. And we are still planning on having the little one much sooner than we planned. Yup, time is fluid. Over the last few days I have been feeling excited, and nervous as heck. He will be here sooner than we expected. And I am smiling a lot too.  

Hic Sunt Dracones

(Sunset or Sunrise-it is a beginning either way)

     Hic Sunt Dracones. No, my spell check is not broken. It's Latin, and it translates to Here Are Dragons. The phrase used to appear on maps in the 1500's. The Lenox Globe and the Egg Globe are the only two surviving maps/ globes that have this inscription. The phrase along with images of dragons were placed on maps in areas that had not been explored. I have been hearing that phrase in my head lately. 

     It has been an enjoyable weekend. One of the last few before we are three. Yesterday we went and got photos of the henna that Jen had done on her belly, and as we were finishing up the outside photos there was a rainbow in the southeastern sky. I have always liked seeing rainbows, and even though I understand how they are formed, they still amaze me. Today Jen and I had a wonderful morning. It was a nice spring day here in Colorado and Jen and I went out to breakfast. We have been having good conversations lately about the sprout and our thoughts, hopes, and expectations of ourselves and him. Talking about times in our childhood and about traits in the children of our friends. It is fun. While we were walking around Boulder we were talking and enjoying the day. We stopped in a yarn shop and Jen got a needlepoint design with pirate images. And I thought of dragons again.

     When we were talking at breakfast I was saying that I am looking forward to a true adventure where there are true unknowns. Yeah I know that there will be the usual late nights, throw-up, wiping up poo, pee, and throw-up. I know that there will be pink-eye, broken bones and hearts, and fevers. And all the other things that are shown in movies, sitcoms, and from things I have seen watching kids for 30 years. I consider those things to be part of the gig. And for the most part, fairly easy to handle. I know, all you parents out there are snickering at me knowingly. Ask me in 7 months how those known things are going in the gig. 

     I am excited about the unknown things. The things that caused me to consider even sharing this journey with folks. And what I think is causing an almost tangible excitement in my head on a daily basis. I am looking forward to meeting the little goober, and getting to know him as he grows into being him. I am looking forward to watching him explore the world and discover his gifts and then share them with the world. I am excited to watch him succeed and fail. And yes, to even not be too attached to all of those adventures. I look forward to the nervousness of not being able to protect him forever. I know that sounds a little crazy, and I am curious how I will handle it all. It will be a journey. I have this notion in my head that being a father will be an amazing journey with an incredible attachment to a single being, and at the same time not being too attached to how I think things should turn out. 

     I was telling Jen that I want him to be exposed to all sorts of things like nature, art, music, physical challenges, sports, different cultures, beliefs, food, and even risk. We both want these things. I want him to be good at things he works at. I want him to push himself and to explore curiosity. And I know all of this is a process, and process can be messy. I have had some great adventures in my life. And I know that this one will be pretty amazing. No matter what happens. 

        Adventure is out there.

A rose by any other name

Helping out at my mom's school for Dr. Seuss's birthday

     As the time gets closer for our little one to arrive, people are asking more and more if we have chosen a name. Spoiler alert...I won't be disclosing our name choice in this entry. Mostly because we haven't chosen one yet. And I have been thinking everyday what we might call him. When I am having dreams or day dreams and I get to a point where I am about to call him something, I pause in the dream and say nothing. Sometimes I run the dream several times using different names. It is kind of fun, and a little disconcerting not to have a name to use. I keep hearing the Bard's line-"Would a rose by any other name smell as sweet?". 

     Jen and I have a list. It currently has 24 names on it. Which for us is pretty good since we had over 50 in our original list. Some have family connections. Some are poetic in nature. Some are nature based. Some have an Irish background. Our list has a lot of variations to be sure. One of the topics Jen and I have talked about is that girl's names seem to have a wider range of unique names and tend to be more creative. Similar to women's fashion choices. But I digress. 

     I joke sometimes that I am amazed that I have the name Shawn and not something a little different. You see I was born in 1968 in San Francisco. Now my parents weren't big into the hippie culture in California, and had actually only recently arrived in California from Connecticut. Although my mom's hair was fairly long, and my dad had a Jerry Garcia looking beard, I don't think they would have been the poster children for Woodstock. But I do joke that I could have had a name like Rainbow Moonturtle.

     I have always liked my name. Shawn has a few variations-Sean, Shaun, and Sian. It is the Irish version of John or James, and from the Norman French Jehan. Shawn and Shaun tend to be the female version of Sean. And Sian is a gaelic version. I remember that there was a girl with the name Shawn on the children's TV show ZOOM, and I loved that she spelled her name like mine. And Moriarty has occasionally brought the Sherlock Holmes comments. And I must admit with recent Sherlock Holmes movies, the BBC Sherlock TV show, and Elementary in the states, I do enjoy hearing my name mentioned a lot. Professor James Moriarty is the arch nemesis of Sherlock Holmes in case you are wondering why I am babbling on about Sherlock Holmes. And my middle name of Edward was my paternal grandfather's and my uncle's name.  

     When I was younger, somewhere in my mid to late teens, I remember seeing The World According to Garp which starred Robin Williams. I remember thinking that if I ever had a son, it would be cool to name him Garp. And maybe Zachary Garp just for fun. Garp has been vetoed by several people. Sorry sprout. Although you might get the nickname Garp from me from time to time. The name Hawkeye was suggested to us. It worked for me. I loved MASH with Hawkeye Pierce, and of course there is the Last of the Mohicans from which the name in MASH came from. And the character in the Avengers comic and movie. I said that there would be pressure to make sure he can shoot archery really well. Hawkeye is not on the current list.

     So why am I feeling stress about naming our son? I might be holding too much importance in the name we choose. Maybe not. Will our choice get him picked on? Does a name hold that kind of power? I do remember being called Chef Boyardee as child as an insult for a brief period of time in 3rd or 4th grade. But my dad was and is a chef so it didn't really bother me. I thought it was a compliment in some way. Does a more feminine sounding male name hold any power one way or another? Does a more traditional male sounding name? What about a more gender neutral name? I am not sure. Could we make up a name? Do we name him for he town he was conceived in? Will his initials spell something odd? If we name him Oliver Holmes Moriarty (OHM) will he be an enlightened electrical engineer? We have talked about having his middle name be Holmes. Mostly for the entertainment value of having Holmes and Moriarty together. I also joked that we could add a III to the end of his name just for fun. I joke a lot about his name, at least in my own head. And I do hold importance about his name.

     One of my friends Jim has a great teambuilding activity called the Story of Your Name. In a group you go around and tell what you know of the story of your name. Many cultures have deep meaning or stories attached to names. One of my neighbors had the name Thor Thorson. That was his actual name. Big Norwegian in case you are wondering. When I lived in Japan I had to have a Hanko. A hanko is a stamp with your name in Japanese characters or  kanji, to officially sign for things. In many asian paintings you will see a red block of characters stamped in the one of the corners of the painting. That is one use of a hanko. Anyway, the vice principal of my school did the characters for my name, both first and last. The characters for Shawn he chose, meant the "sound of the tide" and for Moriarty he chose "Asian Tea House in the Woods". I still have the hanko 20+ years later. I thought it gave a nice romantic overtone to my name. And on the opposite side, a Thai friend of mine used to jokingly call me "white butted monkey". Not quite so romantic.   

     I have been going over names in my head everyday. I probably add and remove 4-5 names a day from my internal list. We get one shot at this. No pressure. We are hoping to go into the hospital with 2-3 names to choose from and then make the choice when we meet him. I hope Wendal Holmes Garp Sebastian Moriarty like his name. I guess I could always call him Thing 1.

Mountain Lion, Puma, Cougar, Rock Cat. What's in a name?

           

     

To know or not to know.

(My two younger brothers)

     One thing to know about this blog is that it may wander a bit from one place to another. For those of you who know me, that is no big surprise. And my thoughts and feelings about this journey are no different. It might wander down side trails from time to time, just like I think raising a child will. Anyway, one thing I have noticed in this process of becoming a father and with Jen being pregnant, is that most people ask within the first couple of minutes of talking if we know if it will be a girl or a boy. I get it. People seek information. It can give them a point of reference, and an opportunity to share their stories about their family and their boy or girl or transgender child or children. And I think it puts a frame on this experience for people. It makes it tidy.

     Jen and I had not really talked much about the gender of our baby. We simply wanted it healthy. We went back and forth using he, she, it, or sprout. Jen has two sisters-one older and one younger. I have two younger half brothers and a step brother. And I was an only child until 18. I have 1 uncle, two male cousins and 1 female 2nd cousin. Not that any of that is important. Again, I warned you that side trails might be taken. 

     Jen is what is called AMA-Advanced Maternal Age, and because of that and the miscarriage last year, we had extra tests done. One of those early blood tests for chromosomal data would be able to pull the baby's DNA out of Jen's blood and thus we could know the gender by week 13 or 14. And so they asked us if we would want to know. I had some mixed feelings. There was a part of me that loves surprises, and the other part wanted to know so I could mentally play with that knowledge in my thoughts and dreams. Jen wanted to know. We told them we would like to know and if they could please put the test results in an envelope so we could open it when we were ready. 

     The next day we stopped by the doctor's office and got the envelope. We took it and went out to lunch at one of our favorite places-Huckleberries. We ordered and then placed the envelope on the table. After a few minutes of awkward small talk, we agreed to open it. I opened the envelope and read the test results. All good for genetic issues based on the blood test, and......it showed that we were 99% sure to be having a little baby boy. It was silent for about 15 seconds at our table with slight but awkward smiles. I had a rush of emotions in a very short period of time. I could see on Jen's face that she might be having similar thoughts and emotions. I spoke first. I had been internally wanting a girl. I am not 100% sure why. But I was. I felt a door slowly close.

     I had thought about what it would be like to have either one, or maybe even twins-with one of each. Jen had a phantom twin early on in the pregnancy. That was a little terrifying to be honest. The thought of two. And in my mind I also had wanted a girl to add some feminine energy to the Moriarty side of things. I have always had easy relationships with women, even from a young age, and thought that might transfer into a relationship with a daughter. And I had notions of being the man that no boyfriend could live up too. Funny what our brains do with spare time.
      Jen admitted that she also was hoping for a girl. Mostly because she grew up with two sisters, and just felt she knew more about raising girls. I also had, and still have a lot of feelings about raising a boy in general. I had images and thoughts about raising a strong, confident, daughter. I still have the occasional dream where we have a girl in college. And I had, and have, concerns about raising a boy in world that often seems very male dominated at the expense of women the world over. As I write this there is a debate in Congress about fair wages for men and women in the work place in America. It is 2014 for crying out loud. And I also see so much around the raising of young boys that is connected with male superiority and often violence, physical confrontations, and domination. The peaceful ones seem to get killed-John Lennon, Ghandi, Jesus, MLK. And I have spent so much of my life working to develop myself on a different path. But that is for other posts. And I also see a lot of strong male role models around me, but again that is for another post.

     So we are having a boy. And we are excited about it. I have been working with my thoughts and concerns which I will explore here. And Jen is excited too. I seem to notice little boys everywhere. I still have a little tug about once a week when I see some of the little girls who come into the Y to skate or play at our child watch program, and I feel-not sad exactly, maybe wistful is a better term. And I still see that door slowly closing. And I am OK with that.
We are having a boy. And that makes me smile everyday. 

  

My three brothers. Our son will have three really great Uncles.